Astronauts have been warned against masturbating in space over fears female astronauts could get impregnated by stray fluids. There are strict guidelines over “alone-time” onboard in zero gravity. Scientists have warned even the slightest rouge droplet could cause chaos on board.

Conan O’Brien waded into the uncomfortable topic while interviewing a NASA engineer, asking him if he had ever sent porn to the International Space Station. “No, none of that,” the scientist, Smythe, said. “Does porn work in zero gravity? It goes everywhere,” Conan probed. “Three female astronauts can be impregnated by the same man on the same session … it finds its way,” the scientist continued. Sex and masturbation in space is a logistical nightmare, with problems ranging from floating fluids to shrinking manhoods, according to astronomer Dr. John Millis. He compared sex in space to having intercourse while “skydiving”, but added that it was “not impossible”. Presumably cosmonauts had this in mind when Kremlin sperm scientists came knocking. Russian scientist Dr. Irina Ogneva’s asked male cosmonauts to provide sperm samples back in 2019. “There are no cosmonauts who want to,” she revealed.