The Double Standard: Body Count
The last segment on relationships sparked many conversations on Wasting Time which contained a few signs to look out for when dating. With this next post, I want to take things a little further. Does body count matter once two people have established they are attracted to each other?
Many times guys rant and rave about the lucky lady they are starting to hang out with. They speak of how she fits with what he’s “looking for in a woman” but one question always seems to surface, and how she answers changes everything. That question being : How many guys she’s had sex with (her body count). “The question” has separated many potential relationships and has gone so bad that some women respond with a fictitious number to keep things going smoothly. What’s even more odd, is the rule of multiplying by 3 (refer to lyrics above) – the assumption that she’s not being honest. We all know it’s the social norm for a guy to have a higher body count than women, it’s rarely talked about due to it being so common. Women are held to higher standards and can’t have sex with more than four to six guys. Those guys from the past can’t have any connection with the current guy and the standards are taken so far to the extreme that if the two guys follow each other on social media, she’s deemed “messy”. Because if you follow each other on social media, you’re automatically friends, right? (hits sarcasm button).
Well if none of that makes sense, let’s bring out the facts from the good book. Per the bible, any sexual act outside of wedlock is a sin. Having one sexual partner is just as bad as any number that follows. This isn’t a guide telling men to go out and date just anyone but if you’re not into a person that decision shouldn’t be based from a “body count.” For crying out loud, Kim Kardashian has found love after we’ve seen her sextape.
During my sophomore year of college, in the early stages of dating a girl, I found myself asking “the question”. She answered honestly, and told me she had 12 sexual partners before me. This changed my thoughts on dating forever. At the time I hadn’t been with anyone who responded with a number in double digits – I couldn’t handle it nor did I want to deal with it, so I decided to end things. This interaction made me recognize a problem within myself that I needed to remedy. I guess you can call it the early stages of a quarterlife crisis. I was being the typical male college athlete; not caring about my body count, or how immature asking the question made me look. A stereotypical hypocrite is what I became. I couldn’t come to terms with the double standard. I’ve made a vow since then to not hold such high standards to women that I, myself wasn’t living up to. Now, before pursuing anyone I remind myself of the phrase, “If you can’t respect her past, then you can’t experience her future.”
Fellas, if you’re still asking “the question” it’s time to let it go (in other words, GROW UP). If you feel like it’s time to take things a step forward, then do that. Her “number” shouldn’t put a damper on things. If you like her, you like her. Her experiences in life, including interactions with men in the past has helped her to this point that has even attracted you, so she’s done something right. Now, some may take a few more lessons than others, and they may not be proud of their past but the key thing is learning from those interactions and moving forward.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…. Don’t play yourself.