We Never Dated: A Heartfelt Rejection Letter Disguised as a Song
by someone who once felt feelings but got over them promptly (with mild eye-rolls)

If you’ve ever sat on the edge of your bed, stared out the window at a pigeon doing absolutely nothing useful, and thought, “Was that even a relationship?”—then Sombr’s “We Never Dated” is your new personal anthem.

Let’s begin with the title. “We Never Dated.” A phrase so passive-aggressive, it might as well show up to brunch wearing vintage sunglasses and sipping an overpriced espresso tonic while pretending not to notice you across the café. It’s not bitter. It’s worse: it’s casually indifferent. It’s what happens when emotional detachment and poetic revenge hold hands and stroll through an Instagram-filtered park. The music? Imagine a lo-fi mixtape left in the back seat of a Volvo during a breakup. Dreamy guitar loops. Detached vocals. A tempo so nonchalant it could double as a shrug. There’s an elegant laziness to the whole thing—like if The Smiths collaborated with someone who ghosted you but still views your stories religiously.

Lyrically, it’s a masterclass in romantic revisionism. “You called me babe / but only after 2AM” isn’t just a line—it’s a therapy session in seven words. Sombr doesn’t accuse. He recollects, with the bemused tone of someone who’s just realized they invested real emotion into a situationship with all the depth of a decorative pillow. And yet, beneath the layers of irony and retro-pop detachment, there’s genuine hurt. Not the wailing, mascara-running-down-the-face kind. More like the slow, quiet realization that someone filed your love under “Miscellaneous.” The song doesn’t scream. It smirks. It doesn’t cry. It sighs and then changes the subject. In the grand cinematic style of Wes Anderson—if he ever directed a breakup montage between two people who never technically got together—this song would play during the slow zoom-out. One person walks off with their tote bag of unspoken emotions. The other checks their phone, sees a message that says “u up?” and puts it on silent.

“We Never Dated” isn’t just a song. It’s a genre: post-romantic realism. It’s for those who were almost in love, almost committed, and almost happy. But hey—almost doesn’t count.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go pretend I never saw your dog’s birthday party invite on Instagram.